I think I first came across this issue a few months ago. Someone on Twitter shared one of those articles with an annoying clickbait title like “This One Word Could Be Why No One Responds to Your Emails.” Despite the fact that I don’t normally have much trouble getting people to respond to my emails, curiosity got the best of me and I opened it.

The word they were referring to was “just.”

The article noted that particularly women in professional settings, sometimes young people, but mainly women, tended to use the word a lot as a sort of softening technique. But that it wasn’t necessary and that we shouldn’t soften our messages like that.

I thought about this a lot after that. I read through some of my recent emails and noted that I did, in fact, use “just” a lot. And in many of the cases where I used it, it wasn’t actually necessary to my message. I tried really looking out for it after that. I read through my emails an extra time before hitting the send button, to make sure I wouldn’t sound weak or unauthoritative because of an extra word.

But as I did this sort of experiment over a couple of weeks, I began really thinking about why it was necessary in the first place. I wasn’t having any trouble getting people to respond to me before I started. Sure, I had people ignore me every once in awhile but it wasn’t some huge problem that I would have even thought about had it not been for that article. And changing up the way I communicate because of something some dude said in a clickbait article isn’t something I really wanted to do. So I dropped it.

Then came the plugin…

If you haven’t heard by now, there’s a new that detects when you use “weak” sounding words like “just” and “sorry.” It was created by a woman, who I am not trying to drag by writing this, by the way – I’m sure she and many others in various industries have found eliminating such words helpful because of their workplace cultures (unfortunately).

But the plugin has gotten a lot of attention. And lots of articles have been written since then telling people (mainly women) not to use these words when communicating in a professional environment.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I liked the way I was wording things before. There’s nothing wrong with trying to be kind or accommodating or soft in an email, or any other form of communication for that matter. That’s how I naturally talk and that’s how I’m comfortable wording things. If there are people out there who choose not to respond to me because of that, then I don’t feel that I’m really missing out on much.

There’s also nothing wrong with being strong and authoritative with your language. If that’s a style that comes naturally to you, or even one you’ve worked really hard at cultivating over the years, then great.

But beyond that, I think it’s kind of unfair to make these suggestions/demands that women change up their speech in order to better “fit in” to a professional setting. I shouldn’t have to go through my emails an extra time just to make sure some dude approves of my word choices.

Whether it’s intentional or not, women are encouraged basically from day one to embody all of those qualities. We’re taught to be kind and accommodating while our male counterparts are told to value strength and authority. I don’t know any women who weren’t accused of being “bossy” at some point because they chose to stand up and speak their minds (potentially without apologizing/softening their message), while that behavior is often applauded when men do it.

I’m not trying to get into the deep crevices of sociology here. But I just think it’s unfair that so many of us are encouraged from a young age, by either accident or design, to have these qualities and then when we get older and want to start businesses/break glass ceilings/etc. we’re told that we need to completely change all that and adapt to a more authoritative (read: male) way of doing things if we want to succeed.

I’m not buying it.

I think I can be strong and kind. I think I can say “just” and still get my message across. I think that (while I do agree that some of us can say “sorry” a bit too much because we feel pressured to do so) there’s nothing wrong with expressing empathy for someone with a simple word even if you wouldn’t necessarily go back and change anything you did.

This isn’t an advice post in any way. I’m not trying to tell anyone what to do or how to speak or write. You do you. If you want to install a plugin that helps you eliminate certain words from your emails, go for it. If you want to apologize for not getting back to someone right away, do it.

I mainly just wanted to get some thoughts out and express that I think it’s super uncool that people are constantly evaluating and criticizing the way others do things (particularly women and young people). There’s no one right way to communicate. And I, for one, think that’s a great thing.